Friday, September 19, 2014

Re-visiting the No Fap Challenge.

Today for whatever reason I became aware of how utterly disgusting I've become since the end of my No Fap Challenge.

Yup I am back to being a slob however I think I am entirely more cognizant of how utterly disgusting I can be at times. Since completing the challenge I haven't engaged in massive amounts of masturbation and have typically gone five to seven days without.

Pornography has been almost non-existent in my life but when the urge has struck there was a thought of whether I should just fantasize about something, read a dirty story or watch pornography. My past instinct has been to fire up a dirty video usually starring Jayden James, Sophie Dee or some other buxom beauty whose tits I wouldn't mind putting my face in.
Jayden James doing the opposite of what gets me off putting her clothes on

Now lately when the urge has hit I've consciously thought about whether I want to watch porn or not. I did the visualization thing which was cool and something I imagine women are a little more adept at then most men. Visualization really wasn't so bad and I've experimented with it before and have even read/written dirty stories to get myself off.

However, masturbating without some sort of visual aide just seems weird to me. I'm becoming less addicted to pornographic material but certainly feel the pull on me when I do fire up a video to watch. It is pretty easy to fall down the rabbit hole and to start watching regularly again.

I think masturbating is really an important outlet for human stress reduction, but and it is a big butt ;), I may go on another purge. I may give up masturbating and porn again for another 30-days. Finish out the month and then have at it again.

The reason being is the slob factor. I was unaware of how sloppy I had become until today as I noticed how my car was beginning to look a mess again and that I was eating on dirty plates with dirty silverware in a kitchen that was in desperate need of having the trash taken out. I stood in the kitchen eating my plantains and broccoli only to observe that I didn't make my bed this morning.

What the fuck!

I still clean my apartment but what became an every other day occurrence for me was now back to being once a week or once every two weeks.

To be clear the masturbating portion was much needed since I've been having a bit of anxiety as of late. It clears the head and when not done all the time helps to put some things in perspective. However, being a messy slob can be stressful. Looking around at my work space and I'm noticing my desk is an absolute mess as well.

I'm not sure where I heard it but if I had to guess it was probably some sort of wisdom I gleaned from the Tim Ferriss podcast that being messy can lead to more stress. I think being a messy person is a sure sign of your mental and emotional state of your mind. If you want to be a calmer more organized person with more time to think about positive things then having a more organized lifestyle is probably in your best interest.

I battle with erratic thinking, occasional bouts of sadness and anxiety. Externally I am a perfectly healthy person who engages in regular activity however I am hindered by my emotional states. I don't participate in as many things as I wished, generally feel lethargic if I'm not moving around being athletic and for whatever reason have a hard time being in social situations despite having a job that requires me to talk to strangers on a regular basis.

I am improving on all these things. Not masturbating caused me to be cleaner which then reflected on my general attitude as well in the very beginning. I had more energy so I put it into cleaning and I found myself becoming tremendously invested in the person I am currently dating.

I was happier in the beginning but then of course there was the negative where the emotions got overwhelming and I became anxious. To be fair I am back to be sexually active so by me giving up masturbation and porn again does not mean I've given up the act of cumming. So I feel like the process won't be nearly as nerve racking.

However, when I'm not sitting around masturbating or cleaning I felt like I was outwardly seeking to be engaged in more social situations.
engaging in social situations

There are certain pursuits i want to do. I listened to an interview with Kevin Kelly founder of Wired magazine and the guy has become a new personal hero of mine. Play is such an important aspect of health and the guy has done it all whether it be building a home to creating one of my favorite publications.

I need to engage in more hobbies and be more like Kelly and stop worrying about work. There are so many things I'd like to do and I feel by not masturbating once again I can re-establish a habit of cleanliness but also pursue other activities as well that interest me.

One of these hobbies is learning to shoot. What's stopping me? Nothing really just a general lack of motivation on my part. I recognize this and am making it my goal at some point whether it be today or tomorrow to at least stop into a gun shop.

I challenge anyone who reads this to a No-Fap October. There is one thing I would caution though to anyone who decides to partake in this activity and that is to find a stress and anxiety reducing technique. For me it is meditation which really helps for me and I am exploring it in a variety of ways to find out which way works best for me. I am also toying with self-hypnosis audios as well which I am curious to see how it works. Either way make sure you have an outlet to go to other than your hand in your pants.

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