Friday, August 22, 2014

30-Days of No Fapping Finally Over


So today I just finished my "30-day No Fap Challenge" without so much as letting anyone know that I was actually attempting it besides a single friend or two.

The challenge is basically you go 30-days without masturbating or porn and if you are really hardcore you go without sex. Since I wasn't having any sex I pretty much gave that up to since it wasn't exactly an option for me.


The Bulletproof Exec, Dave Asprey has written about the merits of not ejaculating on his blog and more recently Tim Ferriss issued a challenge to his readers to attempt the challenge.

The results supposedly are increase aggressiveness in your decision making, higher testosterone, being in a better mood, more attractiveness to the opposite sex and more productivity and etc. Of course I've also read counter to this that if you stop masturbating and ejaculating that your testosterone dies off and sex drive basically dissipates.

Jamie Lewis wrote about this a little bit in his NSFW blog Chaos-and-Pain and how he basically thought his dick had been broken after abstaining from cumming.

I always thought the idea was a tad ridiculous for a long time. I could understand giving up porn because I've done that before. I thought it was for the P.C. straight edge people who were in denial of their sexuality.

The only reason I initially took the plunge is because it was popping up all over my radar at one moment 30-days ago. First I watched a video that was mocking the challenge and then I read an article on VICE about a person who did it for three months. That's 90-days and that to me still seems insane.

The guy didn't seem straight edge and just seemed sort of like a dude who wanted to push his limits. He seemed to have a pretty positive experience with it and got a lot of attention with people on the web.

This was a call-to-arms since I am one loves a challenge. 

I didn't make my challenge known to my friends except to a single friend who I was sharing my dating woes and sexual frustrations with via e-mail.

Then Tim Ferriss issued his challenge on his 4-hour blog with the chance to win $500. I was already in the midst of my challenge. In fact I was nearly two-weeks into the challenge and I didn't exactly want to start over.

So basically what were the results you may be saying. Well I don't know if I'll participate in something this extensive anytime soon but it really did help me to reflect on how much time I  and I figure most other males spend on the ignoble act of masturbating.

I spend actually a lot of time doing it and I have to say the first week there was a serious withdrawal affect. I was really wanting to just give in and make an excuse as to why that day it would have been alright to do it. But I had to be steadfast and I would write the number of the day down on my hand as a reminder.

My apartment has never been cleaner as a result of not masturbating. A lot of time was spent pleasuring myself. I think I did it mostly out of boredom and when you decide to completely give something up for 30-days you need to put that energy into something else.

For me that energy was cleaning my apartment the dishes were done almost every day and the bathroom cleaned every other. The trash was taken out and I made my bed. The place is probably still messy by certain female standards but I think most male counterparts would agree that it was shining example of cleanliness.

I experienced a wave of confidence for the first fourteen days or so and I got more phone numbers handed to me in the past month than I have in my entire life. A complete lack of disinterest in women for whatever reason made them fight harder for my affection. However, I wasn't quite in a position to pursue any of these people since I generally had my eye on someone else.

The confidence died though and a lack of sexual relief turned to mania, neurosis and maybe mild depression. Meditation probably would have been good for this but I gave up meditation unfortunately the moment I started this practice. Not on purpose it just sort of happened and that would have probably been helpful in relieving some of the edginess.

I became overly emotional about things and desperate for people's approval as well. I generally became more empathetic and as someone who has been engaging in online dating with generally poor results me not responding to people I wasn't interested in generally made me feel bad about myself.

Simply rejecting someone who may have been interested in me felt awful and generally ruined a whole half of a week. The person I am interested in I am pursuing now harder than ever and probably more so than I would with most normal people. I'm also generally being more thoughtful than I can safely say I've been in the past when just getting to know someone.

However, I can only imagine I became annoying and probably a bit overwhelming to that person. It was something I was cognizant the entire time and it created more anxiety and frustration in myself than usual.

Typically, I get anxious around girls I like but usually I start off pretty good with them and then I may stop pursuing them because of how uncomfortable I begin to make myself or act entirely disinterested. It is a bad habit and one I think I may have finally broken. 

Overall, I cannot say the experience was entirely positive. I am a furious exerciser and it seemed no amount of exercise could help me eliminate my pent up frustrations. The neurotic behavior and mild-depression was really not all that healthy either.

As someone who has been depressed before and worked really hard on their own mental health I can tell you even feeling mildly depressed can be damn near unbearable.

However, my overall attentiveness towards people and empathy was probably a positive in some regards. Building a new habit of being more clean was also good. Not having a sexual release is a powerful motivator to pick up a new skill, hobby or habit at least for men that is.

The overall attention from women seemed pretty good as well.

The list of positives are probably greater than the negatives but the small mental health aspect almost entirely negates this all.

One thing I have to say though is that by not looking at porn or masturbating that I got aroused way easier by things. Holding hands, kissing, even if it was just someone sitting close to me or  simply gazing into someones eyes really made me aroused. I almost feel like porn isn't entirely necessary for me to get off any longer and in fact I didn't use it after breaking the no-fap fast.

This is probably a good thing and may actually trump the depression because it will make you a more involved partner (I'm hypothesizing) or at the very least a more interested one.

It seems like men lose all romance once they snag a girl that won't drive them crazy. I like romance plain and simple and that became more evident. I'm working really hard to impress this person and I generally want to do things that are nice for the person not just because I want to get laid.

  Overall, I recognize and appreciate more now than ever the importance of occasional masturbation. It is a potent stress-reliever but is something maybe to not abuse as we so often do. Straight-edge religious types need to give up this complete distaste and disdain for all things sexual.

Sex is wonderful and for me in any form seems to be biologically necessary for optimal health both physically and mentally.

I hate to set rules and limitations on the act but I think for me it might be much healthier if I restrict it to once a week or maybe once every two. Not the chronic amount I used to do when I got bored. Everyone is different indeed and this for me is a just a general rule.

30-days is just too much for me right now but I highly suggest people give it a shot just as a general reset and to have more appreciation and acceptance of their sexual nature.


 


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