Friday, May 9, 2014

I'm back in the U.S.S.R. and You Don't Know How Lucky We Are part 2/3

Well here we go again another post about Eastern Europe and some other random awesome shit that has come out of it.

Yes despite some totally crazy politics that from time to time happen in that region and the possibility of the second Cold War emerging over this Russia and Ukraine thing there is some very awesome things to come from Russia in particular

Awesome things that do not include this amazing image

or even this one

 As insanely unpopular the Russian president is in the United States he is kind of becoming this mythical internet bad ass like Chuck Norris.

Whether he is as bad ass as Norris or not remains to be seen. However I do propose that the U.S.   immediately fire John Kerry as our Secretary of State and allow old Chuckey boy to take his place.

Nevertheless, I am dwelling on idiotic hypotheticals and instead should be writing about the actual things this post is meant to be about– mainly awesome shit that I like that is derived from Russia.

First lets look at one of my all time favorite fighters as well as simply one of the all time greatests in MMA– Fedor Emelianenko.

I'll be the first to admit that I am way behind in my knowledge of the MMA scene these days. It is mostly as a result of one crazy fucking black year of death and me sort of not prioritizing it in my current life.

However, I  at one time was insanely into this sport and when I was a young neophyte to the whole thing Fedor was the man. As of recent years he is jokingly mocked by current MMA beer dads who casually troll a Buffalo Wild Wings on a Saturday night.

A beer dad is a term I coined which is basically the fat unsophisticated fan who gets drunk and tries re-enact the events on an unwilling participant most likely to be his wife.

Nevertheless before Fedor lost to Werdum and Henderson he was in fact what I would call god incarnate and boasts an overall record of 34 Wins- 4 Losses- 1 No Contest. That's a pretty impressive record for just about anyone in mixed martial arts.

However, when looking at his record it doesn't take into account all the fights he had as the world's champion in combat Sambo. A sport that resembles MMA in many ways with a more interesting dress code and head gear.

From Wikipedia
Combat Sambo (Russian: Боевое Самбо, Boyevoye Sambo). Utilized and developed for the military, Combat Sambo resembles modern mixed martial arts, including extensive forms of striking and grappling where (unlike Sport Sambo) choking and bent joint locks are legal. Competitors wear jackets as in sport sambo, but also hand protection and sometimes shin and head protection. The first FIAS World Combat Sambo Championships were held in 2001.
So yeah he is sort of a bad ass

But he is also something like a national hero in Russia and even though he did not compete in the Olympics whatsoever was chosen to carry the Olympic torch for the country.

Ok so now we've discussed Fedor and basically Mixed Martial Arts.

So lets talk about kettlebells.

Kettlebells are awesome and you may not really think so since it appears that only sissy boys and hot women in sport bras swing these things or said victims of a beer dad beating at your typical globo gym or Lifetime Fitness. Of course the typical person you see at these places have no fucking idea how to work out or are narcissistic bodybuilder types who call each other bro and circle jerk each other in the locker room afterwards talking about their triceps.

 However, despite the silliness of most people who train with these things they are actually pretty awesome.

From Kettlebell Science

Kettlebells have long been used as a dynamic tool to develop strength and endurance for centuries. Their origin is still a matter of speculation, but archaeological records show evidence of their use in Ancient Greece (Sanchez, 2009, p.4). At the Archaeological Museum of Olympia, in Athens Greece, a 143 kg kettlebell is stored. On the kettlebell an inscription is imprinted with the adage “Bibon heaved up me above a head by one head” (Istorija, IUKL). Kettlebells made their way to Russia at the beginning of the 18th century, where in 1704, the word ‘Girya’ (meaning kettlebell), was first published in the Russian Dictionary. At this time, the kettlebell just happened to be used as a weight to measure grains and other goods. However, as the Russian culture views strength as an honourable quality, during festivals and fairs, vendors started swinging and lifting these kettlebells to show their strength, and quickly recognized the health benefits related to this activity.

They offer a great challenge are practical for sports application and were a favorite of soviet bad asses.

From Kettlebell Science 

Nevertheless, kettlebells continued to flourish in the former Soviet Union. Training with kettlebells became common practice for people in rural areas, the military and Olympic athletes. In addition to their training program, Soviet Olympic weightlifters utilized kettlebells unilaterally in order to strengthen their weaker side. To this day, countries of the old eastern bloc rely on kettlebells for supplementing the training of many of their athletes and armed forces (Sanchez, 2009).
In Russia, kettlebells are a matter of national pride and a symbol of strength .Unlike most national armed forces, which test their soldiers with push ups; the Russian armed forces test their soldiers using the high volume kettlebell snatches with a 24 kg kettlebell (Tsatouline, 2006).  In 1981, the Russian government recognized the various benefits that kettlebells could provide its working citizens; and an official commission enforced mandatory kettlebell training for the masses, relying on the kettlebell to increase productivity and to decrease the healthcare costs of the country (Sanchez, 2009, p 7).
So unlike our country it appears Russia forces their citizens to actually get off their lazy asses and to get into real fucking shape. Aside from the massive amounts of alcoholism in that country their people generally appear to be more fit.

Sports science seems to be above and beyond our own which was highlighted in a past post.

But I can't think of any  better way to get people off of the racket known as the American Medical System and to almost eliminate the need of the health insurance by implementing a mandatory kettlebell or crossfit class in all schools... provided that the ones teaching the class isn't a 19-year-old bro bag whose understanding of physiology and nutrition comes from an ACE personal training seminar he attended while high on Molly.
So yeah KBs are pretty rad and can make you fucking strong. Also did I mention they are like the national sport of Russia ironically it's not basketball... who knew.

There are all sorts of studies that you can look up for yourself but they are good for conditioning, strength and rehab among other things... or not.

Ok be on the look out for the next post in this series. Also more Putin


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